Post College: Part 2. Change and Challenge

Spring: Basketball 

The Chinese church played basketball on Thursday nights at 7:30pm in the Chinatown community school gym. There were a bunch of folks who invited me to come, even though I didn't really play. But, they were welcoming, regardless of how poorly I knew how to play. Laura, Ping, Dennis, Steve, Jason, Johnny S, Joe, Carlton, Tom, John, Tim, Ray, Raymond and others. It was social exercise, do something together. I could hardly dribble or shoot, but if I was left alone with a clear layup, I just might make it. Maybe. 

The only memorable play I made was one time when our team got the ball on a fast break. I ran down the court quickly and someone passed the ball to me. I didn't even dribble. I caught the ball, took one step and put it up off the glass from the right side, just as Johnny S was rushing back to block it. Johnny S. was the best player on the court; he could shoot, dribble, twist and turn like Michael Jordan. He was Jeremy Lin before there was Jeremy. Johnny moved hard to block my shot. He jumped and could he jump! But, he was a split second too late and it went in. He was so humiliated by me, the worst player on the court who just scored. I could see it in his face. Like, "Man, how did that happen on my watch?" Made my day and night. I didn't do much the rest of the game, that was OK. One basket was enough for me. 

After playing, a few of us would go out for dessert. International House of Pancakes on Soldiers Field Road, Brigham's Ice Cream, or Just Desserts in Brookline. Those were the good times.   

One basketball person who was really encouraging was Laura. She was a BU college student who loved sports. She reached out to me to play and hang out. Very caring. One day a few of us went to her apartment and played worship songs for a few hours. It was so spiritually peaceful, and the atmosphere was became charged with a presence that touched my body and soul. I felt a warm tingling in my spirit. There was something there. I appreciated Laura's heart for God and her welcome to me. She was another reason why I felt part of the fellowship group.  

Summer After: West Coast Vacation

After being apart for almost 9 months, Andy and I reunited for a two week summer vacation together. We did a West Coast tour, starting by flying into San Diego, and working our way up to Seattle. Since we were traveling Lonely Planet cheap style, we stayed at the YMCA and walked and took public transport everywhere. As we crossed city streets, cutting angles here and there whenever there was an opening between cars, we noticed something. No one else was doing the same. They were standing at the corner waiting for the WALK sign to turn on. We, being from Boston, didn't wait for the light. We walked whenever and wherever. Funny that. Much later, I would find out that California is strict about jaywalking. They can fine you. We just never got caught. 

After the usual Sea World and Balboa Park, we decided to head to Tijuana, Mexico. Early evening. We rode the city bus to the border and walked across. It was OK, not bad. Then, the sun set and it got dark. Walking down the streets, the people at the front of the shop, asked in Spanish, "Do you want a girl?" This kept happening until we realized that the Tijuana street night life was going to be like that. We decided to leave and return to San Diego. Problem was, we couldn't find a bus. The area we were walking was dark, real dark. The buses had no signs or lights. They used old American school buses. I kept asking people where the bus to the border was. At first they tried to dissuade us, say, "You want to stay the night?" 

Finally, someone told me the way and we found the bus. We climbed on board. There was no light inside except a dim red light at the rear door. It was standing room only so we held on for our lives. Because we were standing, I had to keep bending down and asking if we were at the border. The bus carried on for 20-30 minutes. I started wondering if we were on the right bus. What if we were on the wrong one? What if we were tricked and heading somewhere else? I started praying. "Lord, get us to the border." The bus clambered on for 10 more minutes, then stopped. I asked someone, "Is this the border?" 

YES. We squeezed ourselves from the rear of the darkened, crowded bus to the front door as quickly as we could, hoping that no one was a pickpocket. We jumped down and ran to the border. It was a sweet sight to our eyes. Thank you, God! 

Northern California and Yosemite National Park 

Next stop, San Francisco! We hit Chinatown and ate out lunch and dinner. Great food! Andy noted hearing many different Chinese dialects not present in Boston. He was surprised. We toured the parks, the Redwoods and then on to Yosemite. 

Because we were under 25, we couldn't rent a car. Greyhound here we come! By riding the coach to Yosemite, we met other international students traveling. There was a Japanese girl and a British chap. Swiss and Germans. Because we didn't have a tent, we camped out in the open on the ground. Sitting around the evening campfire, we sang songs and shared food. the Brit got silly and sang "Britannia rules the waves." Conversation was live and interesting. No cell phones, no wi-fi internet to turn us away. All we had was each other. During the night and early morning, there was some animal sniffing around our camp. We were a little nervous. Was it a bear? We closed our eyes, stuffed our heads into our sleeping bags and prayed that it wasn't a bear. I heard breathing and pitter pattering. I dared not to look. Just keep my head down. Wait it out. After 15 minutes, whatever the creature was, left. 

In the morning we all debriefed. What happened? Did anyone know? No one had seen the animal because everyone was sleeping or hiding. I won't know until I get to heaven. 

While in the Bay Area, we visited my Goong-Goong and Po-Po in San Jose. Po-Po was delighted that a doctor to be was in the house. I had told her that he was in medical school. She asked "Doctor Andy" if he would give her a physical checkup. Although he didn't have his medical kit, he went through the regular procedures by hand. She grinned as wide as her ears. She was so proud to have the personal attention of a doctor in her house!

While we were there, Po-Po asked me to change a ceiling light bulb in the living room. The last time she had done that, she got injured. She had climbed on top of a chair to get to the light. While she was standing on the chair, she imagined being 17 years old again and thought to herself, "why don't I just jump down?" So, she jumped down, and hurt her knee. That reminded her that she wasn't 17 anymore. OK.  

Washington State 

From SFO, we flew to Seattle. It was a night flight. One flight attendant was a young woman who sat across the aisle from me. Maybe she was off duty. We chatted briefly. She was friendly but admitted she was tired. I left her to nap. When Andy and I arrived, we slept in town at some cheap nondescript place and then bussed ourselves to Mount Rainier the next day.  We hiked as high as we could with small knapsacks. The sky was clear blue, and the air refreshing from the snow cover. What a joy to climb in summer and see snow!  

Fall: Change and Challenge

After summer vacation, I returned to work at Raytheon. The job was getting boring and I saw that it was a dead end. I began to look else where. Still no teaching jobs available. What to do? I read the classifieds, searching for something interesting. My eyes fell upon Mutual of Omaha Insurance. They were advertising for sales representatives. I called and got an interview appointment. The manager was excited that I came and sold me on the opportunity. 

"You can make xxxx dollars a month, if you sell xx insurance policies." He was luring me on the possibilities the job. No salary, just commission. I bit the bait. 

To be truthful, I thought that I could do the work. After all, I had done door to door sales in Texas before. I learned about Mutual of Omaha as a company and the insurance they offered. I flew to Pittsburgh for training Then, back in Boston, they sent me out. Old school. They had leads from write-ins and telephone messages. I was to follow them up. Most all my visits to potential clients were evenings. Not surprising considering people work 9am to 5pm. My workdays was becoming uncomfortable. I was putting in longer hours, hours at the office and on the road. And I wasn't getting many sales. It wasn't happening. I tried it for three months, gradually realizing I was not an insurance salesman. It did not fit me. I had failed; I made a mistake. I quit at the end of November. As I pondered my experience, I repented of rushing, entering Mutual of Omaha with mixed motives. It was a bad experiment. But, God used that for good. It was December. 

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.  -- The Holy Bible, Romans 8:28

The Fellowship . 

Since the beginning of the year, I gradually got to know other wonderful people besides Pearl in the fellowship group at the Chinese church. They really believed in Jesus and loved me and welcomed me. We did various activities together, outings to Newport, Rhode Island, Rockport, a Cape Cod beach or sports like volleyball, basketball. Always eat meals in Chinatown. That was fun. We would settle on one favorite restaurant for a month or two, then find another one and do the same thing. We would sometimes gather informally at an apartment, pull out guitars and sing contemporary worship songs. I had to learn them because in my church background we had only sang hymns. When we sang for a while, I could sense a spiritual presence in the room and on my body. It was a tingling and like soft electricity. It was peaceful. Those were good times.

One day, some talked about going a big convention in December called Urbana. 

I asked them, "What is it?" 

They replied, "it is about missions. 

"What is missions?"

"Come with us and find out!" 

Winter: Urbana 79-80

So, I signed up. To prepare I read the Urbana books and study material. The conference theme was: Believe and Obey. There was a dozen of us from the church. Me, Andy, Phil, Tim, Christine, Diane, Ping, Laura, Christina, Dave, Mary, and Linda. Back then, the church had a van which was used to transporting children, youth or the elderly who didn't have rides.  We got permission to drive it to Illinois. It was a 12 seat Dodge van. With no insulation. We left Boston on December 26. Our first stop was New York Chinatown to overnight. From there, we drove on to the University of Illinois at Urbana. It was freezing cold in the back of the van because the heat only reached the driver and the first two rows of seats. We took turns sitting in the back, shivering, even though we were all huddled and bundled up as much as we could. It was really cold that time of year.  

We reached Urbana in the late afternoon. After checking in and planning how and when we would rendezvous on January 1st, we headed for the sports arena where the plenary sessions took place. It seated 18,000+. We walked in late and gazed around. They were already in session. The place was full. Whoah! I had never seen a Christian gathering that large. It was amazing! The MC led us in a song, Sing Hallelujah to the Lord. 18,000 voices acapella. I could feel the Spirit moving, the atmosphere was thick with a Presence I had grown to recognize. I thought I was in heaven. 

The conference was intense. I attended small group study in the dorm, various workshops, and sessions. Then, there was the marketplace hall, where hundreds of agencies, organizations, publishers and media set up booths. I learned about the needs of the world. So many needs. And all the organizations involved. That Jesus wasn't just inviting me to believe in Him, but also to obey him. "Those who love me obey my commands." 

Jesus said, "All authority in heaven and earth has been given to me. Therefore, go into all the world and make disciples of all nations... " Bible, Matthew 28:19 

"As the Father has sent me, so I send you." -- Bible, John 20:21

That there were so many people in other countries who had never heard or met a Christian. My little world was spinning and expanding beyond the borders of my mind. 

At times, I was overwhelmed with the information and interactions. On New Year's Eve, they held a Holy Communion service. All of us received wafers and tiny cups of grape juice. The Reverend Billy Graham spoke. One thing he said, "If I knew that Jesus Christ was returning in four years this is what I would do. I would train and prepare myself for 3 years. Then, the fourth year I would go out and do missions." 

He gave a charge, a challenge to us. It was an altar call. He asked, "Who believes that God is calling you to world missions? If that is you, I ask you to stand up where you are."  Not many stood up. then, he asked, "Who isn't sure about missions, but is willing to seek God's will concerning this? Stand up." Many, many stood immediately. Probably 2/3 to 3/4 of the crowd. Billy Graham was surprised so many stood up. "Maybe you don't understand me. I am asking you this: if you are not sure, but willing, seriously willing to seek God's will concerning missions, stand up." Again, many stood up all around me. About 2/3. I did not. I was thinking hard amidst the students rustling on either side of me. What was God saying to me? 

"What do you gain, if you gain the whole world and all its possessions and lose your soul?" 

What do I gain? Is gaining all the material goods worth losing my soul? What is my life? What do I have in my life? What is really important? Who am I? What is my purpose in life? it?

My worldly possessions at that point consisted of my car and my guitar. A 1971 Volkswagen Beetle and a Takamine guitar. And family. "OK, OK. I am willing."  Finally, I stood up. 

They had us write out and sign a commitment card, with two parts, one for them and one for myself. Billy Graham prayed for us and the service ended. It was New Years Day. 12.30am. 

That night we slept very little, woke up for breakfast and met up to begin the long drive back to Boston. It was freezing cold again in the van. But we were "hot" on fire in our hearts! As soon as we were on the road, we asked each other excitedly, "What did God do in you?" 

Andy said, "Billy Graham said that if he knew that Jesus was returning in four years, he would prepare for three years and then go out. I am going to prepare myself." He had applied to medical school before but was rejected. He wanted to be a medical doctor in the service of Christ. He decided to study at Moody Bible Institute in a summer course. And he was applying again to medical school. Diane and Mary said they were applying to Multnomah University to study for a year. So was Linda.  

After we returned to Boston, we continued to talk together about what God was saying in our lives. The excitement continued week after week. We were "on fire" in our hearts. I listened, prayed, and thought about what my friends from the fellowship were doing. I reasoned, maybe I should prepare myself for missions. I should study myself and get trained. So, I applied to Multnomah.  

Spring and Summer and Fall: Diane

Learning is a treasure that will follow its owner everywhere.  -- Chinese Proverb

Back at the fellowship, my friendship with Diane grew.  We had known each since college days at UMass and now we were in the same Bible Study together as well as the fellowship group. We saw each other weekly at church, discussing social and spiritual issues and how we could integrate them in our personal lives. Our conversations were always stimulating even if we were always with other people. 

Diane hosted a weekly Bible study group at her place, where she lived with her parents. Beyond that, we would get together one-on-one for coffee once a month to share more personally. I was always fond of her, but knew that she just wanted a brother-sister relationship. It had been this way since college. I accepted it. 

After a year of this, week after week, month after month, I sensed that she was interested in more. It was an incredible feeling the day I felt that. It wasn't like she came out and said, "I want to go out with you." No, she said other things which hinted at it. She was checking to see if I caught on. And I did. I was in tune with her. 

Love is like the wind, you can't see it but you can feel it.
― Nicholas Sparks, A Walk to Remember

We dated steadily and had a good relationship. I learned a lot about her and myself. There were a lot of common interests besides church and Bible study. Diane went on a summer mission trip to Asia. I was excited for her and supported her. It was not my time to go on a trip yet. We took trips to Cape Cod, Martha's Vineyard, New Hampshire, and Rhode Island. We were together for a year. It was sweet. 

Love looks not with the eyes, but with the mind,
And therefore is winged Cupid painted blind.
― William Shakespeare, A Midsummer Night's Dream

One thing we agreed upon is that we would remain virgins until marriage. We kissed, but nothing beyond that physically. That was our standard. And it was satisfying enough. I think we connected in so many ways intellectually and spiritually that the physical aspect of our relationship was just icing on the cake. We enjoyed our cake! While we were dating, I moved out of my parents place and roomed with my friend Tim. I had Diane over once, but other times we met at her parents, where she was living, or at church, or went out on a date.   

In the Fall, there was a college dance at Massachusetts Institute of Technology (MIT). Our Chinese church had a lot of college students from MIT. They invited us. Diane went. A situation arose because she was a counselor for church teens and when they heard about her going to the MIT dance, they wanted to go, too. But, that was not allowed. High school students were prohibited from attending college dances.

 

The day after, one of the senior church members heard about this and reprimanded her. "You should not have gone to the MIT dance."

She asked, "Why not?" 

"Because you are to be an example to the youth. When they see you going to the dance, they stumble and want to go to dances." 

"And what is wrong with dances?" 

It was apparent that he and we did not see eye to eye. Nothing was done after the fact. Diane continued to counsel teens, but she was challenged about setting a good example. 

There was a guy at church named Jack. He was a medical student and a bit of suave date seeker. He went through the fellowship and dated every girl one by one. He was looking. Then, he tried to ask Diane out. I was upset and talked to her about it. I did not want to confront Jack. I wanted to hear from her. He had been poking around trying to lure Diane away from me. Probably destabilizing the relationship. 

But, Diane said, "Aren't I staying with you? I am choosing to be with you." 

That calmed me down. OK. She's with me. Never mind about Jack. 

Summer: A Drive West

Summer arrived and it was time for Diane to go to Portland, Oregon for her studies at Multnomah. A few friends drove her there. Tim, Dennis and I. We looked for a cheap way to travel. Back then, there were auto transport companies that hired people to drive private cars from Boston to California. We inquired and found a woman moving to Mountain View who wanted her car taken there. She would pay for gas. That was it. She had a Toyota Corolla, two door sedan. With four people, we had to always craw in the back through the two doors before the two in the front seats could sit. All four of us rotated driving as we crossed the country. First stop was Indiana, where we stayed with a friend of Diane. Someone she met in Hawaii. Next was Colorado, my godparents. Then, we headed to the Grand Canyon. We wanted to camp there and hike the next day. The sunset over the canyon was gorgeous. Vast. Still.  

The next morning at 6:30am we headed down the trail. We were advised to try to avoid the hot August Arizona sun. We had snacks and our water canteens. Walking downhill was easy going and pleasant. We reached the Colorado River at the bottom around midday. The water was refreshing and surprisingly cold. We wish we could have stayed there all afternoon. But, we couldn't. We had no plans to camp at the canyon bottom.

After a time there, we started back up the trail. Within an hour, Diane started complaining of fatigue and a head ache. We stopped and drank.  We walked for a few minutes and then stopped to rest. We continued this way for an hour maybe two. It was hard to tell how long. Then sun was beating down on us. We tried to find any shade against the cliff wall. Then, we ran out of water. Shoot. Diane was suffering. The rest of us did our best to encourage her and pray for strength. As we crouched, squatting beside the trail, we saw someone hiking up. It was a Swiss young man, carry a gallon jug of drinking water. We cried out to him like beggars. He stopped and offered us a swig each. Then, we stood up and began to walk again. We proceeded for 5, maybe 10 minutes until Diane had to stop again. Swissman stopped, too. We thanked him, and said, "Please, go on ahead. You don't need to stay with us."  

"No. It's OK. I stay with you." he replied. 

We continued in this way for a few hours, him walking slowly beside us and stopping whenever we stopped. We must have stopped 10 times. Finally, we reached the park ranger station half way up the canyon trail. There was tree shade and water available. We doused our heads and faces with cool water and rested on a bench. We turned to thank our Swiss friend. He was gone. We scrambled around to locate him. Did he go ahead? We called out and searched high and low without success. Still nothing. It was like he just disappeared. Diane started to cry.  "I think he was an angel. Really, I think he was angel." We looked at each other. Yeah, maybe it was true. How could he just disappear without a trace? 

We recovered for 30 minutes before starting up the trail again. Our energy was renewed with the water and rest. We hiked with more speed. The sun was starting to sink. We realized that it was going to set before we could get out. Then, dusk settled in. It grew dark. Real dark. We didn't have flashlights. We were walking by moonlight. We heard voices behind us, coming up the trail. It was two rangers walking a tired hiker between them. They were moving quickly, practically dragging the poor fellow. They passed us. In five minutes, we reached the top, and then walked out of the Grand Canyon. 

It had taken us twice as long to go up and get out as it was to go down the trail. We were exhausted, as we found our tent and cooked a quick dinner. My head started aching bad. It was the worst headache I ever had. It was dehydration. We collapsed and slept like logs. What a day! What an excruciating adventure. So glad we made it. And so glad that God sent an angel to save us.  

Driving on from Arizona to California in August, we experienced more heat. The car had no air conditioning. None whatsoever. We opened the windows for ventilation, but the wind was all hot air blowing in. It was like someone turned on the oven and a fan. We put towels over the windows to lessen the scorching blast. We drove for 4 hours like this. Don't know we did it. But we did. 

Reaching California, we followed the coastline to stay cool until we reached the Bay Area. We had the address in Mountain View, so we drove up to the house and deposited the car. the woman came out and thanked us. We delivered her Toyota in one piece. 

As we were on the West Coast, Diane informed her that she was breaking up with me. Ouch. That was painful. Real painful. It broke my heart. She left me for Jack. 

Aaah! I was so mad at him. Arrgh! I was furious! 

Your heart’s strength is measured by how hard it holds on. Your self worth and faith is measured by finally letting go. However, your peace is measured by how long you don’t look back.   ― Shannon L. Alder

 

Long made short story, Jack lasted 2 months with Diane. She broke up with him, too. 

In my case, I was still hurt by her. I enrolled later at Multnomah so we overlapped for one semester. I had a difficult time seeing Diane there. She had started dating a third guy. He was White. They lasted until the end of the school year. In May, the graduate class had a weekend retreat on the Oregon coast. the scenery was beautiful and times were good. The last day, we held the Eucharist, Holy communion, Lord's Supper. professor who led us, spoke about reconciling with anyone with whom you have a problem. 

"When you come to the Lord's table. If you know someone who has a thing against you, go and be reconciled with him or her. Then, come to the table." 

Somewhere between love and hate lies confusion, misunderstanding and desperate hope.”
― Shannon L. Alder

As I was quiet, closing my eyes on my knees, I heard a familiar voice. It was Diane. She apologized and asked forgiveness for how she had treated me. She said, "I have not been kind or nice to you. I have not treated you well. I want you to know that I am really sorry and I ask your forgiveness." 

Of course, I forgave her. Wow, what a relief! That was so humble and real. It made the weekend complete. I felt like a weight fell off my shoulders. I felt lighter. Yes. I did.

Thank you, God. 

Tis better to have loved and lost
Than never to have loved at all.
― Alfred Lord Tennyson, In Memoriam

Seasonal situations can bring with them lessons that last a lifetime. If the love doesn’t last, it prepares you for the one that will.
― Mandy Hale, The Single Woman: Life, Love, and a Dash of Sass

After Portland, Diane moved to New York for law school, and met and married someone there. Years later, when we met again in Boston, she said that her husband looked like me. 

To know another is not to know the person's face, but to know the person's heart.
-- Chinese Proverb

What did I learn? 

My journey and relationship with Diane went the full circle and taught me a lot. We began just as friends, grew closer, dated for a year, broke up, and then went our separate ways. I experienced the complete emotional range in my heart; I longed, connected, gave of myself, got trashed, got depressed, recovered, forgave and healed, and reconciled. I am thankful for that season with Diane. I am a better person because of her and helped me to continue my life in search of future relationships.  

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage.   ― Lao Tzu 

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.  

― Holy Bible: 1 Corinthians 13: 4-6

He who conquers himself is the mightiest warrior.  ― Confucius